How does two and a half months fly so quickly before my eyes? These last couple months after graduation have been more eye opening than most of my 21 years prior.
I've had a lot of down time to realize all that I may want and need in this life. I became very sad when I was offered an amazing position with Zions Bank here in Utah but since it would be working underneath my aunt, HR came back and claimed nepotism and I wasn't able to pursue the position anymore. This was a very humbling experience for me and until now I only told close friends and family because something about the situation as a whole was so embarrassing for me. I guess the biggest frustration that has come out of it was that I feel I have not gotten a position close to this one since and been interviewing once a week and feel I am getting nowhere. Reality check.
I cant help but wish to go back to NAU and be the fun college girl who didn't worry about student loans and paying for my own health insurance.. If anyone showed me a glimpse of what being an adult was like in the past, I promise I would do everything in my power to keep the fun, young girl again.
Life changes so quickly. Maybe it just because I'm a girl but one minute I feel one way and the next my emotions are in a crazy whirlwind, roller coaster that I cant seem to control. I don't mean to sound so sad and depressing but today has just been full of so many feelings and thoughts.
I think to myself does the little things mean the most...and if they do why do some of the big things affect us the most? There's sometimes situations in life that you just cant see yourself getting over, no matter how hard you try or what is on the table that you could potentially lose, you just cant seem to get over it. And that's why I wonder what matters more....the little things or big things in this life?
I also have come to realize that in this life, especially the future, we will be making so many sacrifices. Some start young and sacrifice when they decide to join the military while some don't know the meaning of sacrifice until they are blessed with their first child. No matter what, everyone is going to approach a time in their life when sacrifices are necessary and sometimes I wonder when I should start sacrificing certain things in my life or feelings for another person? Sometimes its so hard not to be selfish in this life because we have the freedom to be. And in the end, selfish or not we all are buried in the same kind of grave. Then I realize, if you want any type of commitment in this life, you will need to sacrifice. You will have to sacrifice nights out for nights in the office or buying a purse you've had your eye on for months for a birthday present for your sister. It sounds so elementary but sacrifice is really inevitable so I may have even just answered my own question.... I'm gonna sacrifice anyway....why not start now?.....
Maybe I am just putting too much thought into this life and should just be young happy and free for at least ten more years... maybe travel some more, go visit my host parents in Spain... who knows ...maybe pursue my dream of teaching English to children outside of this country....
Well, seems like every decision I make in my 20s will in someway affect my life and I struggle with knowing which decisions to make for myself and sometimes I wish I had my momma to tell me all I need to do in this life...even if I wouldn't listen...
Ultimately, this life is just so crazy and maybe that is truly the best part...feeling high and happy one month and lost and alone the next.... up and down it may go but I am in no way not grateful for this life because I have the best friends and family even if they are all miles away. I am content and for now content I will stay. Cheers to better days.
